Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
