If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
