At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
