Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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