S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
