I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
