And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
