I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
