why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
