Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
