Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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