I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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