I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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