jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
