you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
