Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
