Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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