He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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