your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
