Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want to have your abortion
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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