after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
