now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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