i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
