He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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