listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
worst night to have a conscience
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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