I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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