Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
