She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
