so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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