Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
