I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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