I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
