I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
