RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
