Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
