at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
