The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
