What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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