I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
