If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
