I'm going to jail i love you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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