I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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