My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
