It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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