just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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