peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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