**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
