I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
