omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She said her name was "party"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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