It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
