i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
