I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
